Triinu

update

2010-02-03T21:43:00.001+02:00

new toys

2010-02-01T17:50:00.002+02:00

Well the idea is to finally get to a stage, where ill be able to d oa 3D image of a trilobite or maybe even polychaete worm jaws. But as i dont know anything about this, i need practise practise and practise.... it seames awfully complicated. And i think this is propably not the most complicated program. HAHA... I am quite far from trilobites :D

So im trying to mold a dolphin after a tutorial :) Heres, how it is looking right now. Is it resembling a dolphin.

blond hopeless me

2010-01-28T00:15:00.002+02:00

Being extremely blond...

hahaha.. i was waiting for the tram... alone in the stop. I remember having a thought, that this is the side, where the tram comes, which is going towards my stop.. right?! Yeah.. of course... Then i saw the tram coming... wondering, why the hell is the tram coming from the wrong side... i was really puzzled. Then i suddenly discovered, that that was my tram and i was standing on the wrong side of the stop. luckily i could run around the tram and get on.... hahaha... im really blond sometimes. Amazing.

The dancelesson was nice today. I enjoy it alot. Bellydance is quite fun :) And also gypsydance... but i wish i would have the money and a little bit more experience to go to a different group. I love the emotionality and the big skirts :)

And danceclub is also really alot of fun. Dancing folk and other folky dances from Estonia and other places. I just wish i had somebody to go there with.. Im too timid to ask anybody to dance... so i end up standing in the corner... :( But i really love dancing :):)

And i wish ill be good at it some day

I really hope, this year will get better for me

yep... now to my million undone jobs

2010-01-24T23:43:00.002+02:00

Baked some oat cookies and watching Farscape season 1. Feeling kind of geeky, but i have to say, the series is quite amusing.. hihi ... i like it. Plus a million other things waiting in line to be done. Sleepless... Home alone. Trying to manage ..

Haha... and trying to leap over your shadow is not such a great idea. But it is fun to try to help to translate a galvanizing technology instruction from Spanish to Estonian, when i don't speak Spanish.

I miss translating. I hope i can get a translating job soon... but the publishing company doesn't have anything to give to me :( I could sure use the money.

This year has for sure not started well, but i hope it'll get only better.

papers

2010-01-19T15:05:00.002+02:00

Students managed to amaze me again. I don't understand it. I know I'm blue-eyed, but it is just unbelievable. And i know, i shouldn't take it personally, when students simply don't care, don't give an effort or simply don't bother to ask requirements if they missed them the first time. But when a submitted paper does not fill ANY of the requirements given... it amazes me, what a student is thinking, when submitting such a thing. It insults me, to be honest.

Ok .. i will force myself calm.... answer politely...

and try to focus studying geology ... I'm having a hard time in concentrating.

see you later alligator

The end of the christmastrees

2010-01-16T21:33:00.002+02:00

more pics at http://picasaweb.google.com/triinutorv/Ules#

evening at Paljassaare

2010-01-16T16:25:00.004+02:00

2010-01-11T22:54:00.001+02:00

Minu lemmikluuletus... alati olnud...
My favourite poem. If i find it in English... ill add the translation to the post.

TULEVIK

Mis on, mis paistab kaugel merel …
Kas laev säält tuleb? Mis ta toob?
Või udu hall? Või mõttekuju,
mis hing vast ise endal` loob?

Ei,laev ta on — mu kauge lootus:
ta peab, ta peab kord tulema!
Ja kuigi varem pettis ootus,
ma usun: nüüd küll tuleb ta!

Kuid kas ta see, mis mina ootan?
Kas õnn, kas minu õnn ta sees? …
Ma küsin … lainte käiku vaatan …
Ta kuju rohkem kerkib ees.

Kas minu igatsust ta kannab —
kas on mu lootus tema pääl?
Või toob ta häda meie randa?
On surm vast aset leidnud sääl? …

[1904] J.L.

2010-01-02T23:12:00.002+02:00

grrrrrrrrrr...

food again

2010-01-02T17:25:00.002+02:00

what happens if you put in a pot chicken, leek, onions, garlic, cherry tomatoes, sweet pepper, chillies, dried apricots, plums, pears, raisins and put it in the oven for at least an hour? mmmmm

last day of the year

2010-01-02T17:18:00.009+02:00

best cooking in a long while

2009-12-31T09:14:00.003+02:00

Wow....

best meal iv made in a long while :) boy, did it come out sexy.... uuuh ... i love sexy food :)

meat strips melting in your mouth with a rich sweet pepper, onion, garlic sauce, with a splash of cider... with just a perfect amount of piripiri... so it didn't kill off the other tastes, but added a hot kick, which gave a subtle burst of burning passion in your mouth... And it looked .... uuuh.... i cant find the words

mmmmm... and a sexy mixed leave salad with red and green, cherry tomatoes, sprinkled over with pomegranate seeds... looked great

and after that sparkling wine, goat brie and rich velvety chocolates.

Perfect... almost perfect

its a shame i didnt have my camera :( but ill put some phone pics up soon...
yeah... the food was almost perfect yesterday...

2009-12-29T21:37:00.001+02:00

christmas

2009-12-24T22:55:00.000+02:00

MEMEMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEEEE

2009-12-21T12:14:00.003+02:00

HAHAAHA... Can you imagine me dancing infront of a crowd!!!!!!! HAAHHAHA ... it was great actually and i forgot to turn only once :) hah.. Ill try to get more pics. I hope somebody made some more... of the dance too...

weird

2009-11-24T21:21:00.002+02:00

hah

2009-11-23T22:25:00.000+02:00

hyperrealism

2009-11-23T10:35:00.001+02:00

An article about hyperrealistic sculptures.

Nice weather

2009-11-23T10:20:00.002+02:00

But no nice pictures :(

The waves bashing about, warm wind (relatively warm) to your face, sun shimmering, glowing atmosphere, geometric forms playing with water, waves eating rocks...

Kings of the dance

2009-11-19T23:39:00.004+02:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPWKda63_3w

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW .. I'm enchanted by tonight's show. I am sooooooo glad my mom got the tickets. Boy am i glad.

This American dancer was intriguing. Not at all the type i usually like. But he was enchanting. The way he moved, was kind of angelic or elflike or ... i dont know how to describe it. There was something different about him.

IT WAS AN AMAZING SHOW

I hope

2009-11-18T01:15:00.002+02:00

i will take pictures like HERE some day.... soooooooooooo ... sooooooooooo.... cooooooool :)

And i LOVE spiders

MOLDY

2009-11-16T21:37:00.000+02:00

Check this out! Cool pics of mold :D

Ihave a question for you :)

2009-11-14T16:05:00.002+02:00

And i put up a prize for the first correct answer!

What happens, if you tap three small African drums, which are bound together and hanging from your waist, to a certain rhythm?

Half a point to the person, who knows to what i am implying on :)

ME LIKE

2009-11-10T22:16:00.001+02:00

Pics from this weekend

2009-11-08T19:56:00.002+02:00

Can be found HERE

IT WAS A NICE TRIP!!! I hope i managed to organize (with big help from Elk and Rauno and Oll) a worthy and exciting new experience for our students! And i certainly hope next time will be even better.

You can see pics taken by Marko HERE.

aju

2009-11-07T21:51:00.000+02:00

HAAHAHHHAHHAHAHHHA.....
What's wrong in the pic?

Impressionstrips from the weekend

2009-11-02T16:19:00.020+02:00

Laanemaa lake - Valgejärve lake

Scolecodonts

2009-11-02T15:36:00.002+02:00

Scolecodonts are fun!!!!

more info here

BATSHIT CRAZY

2009-10-29T11:09:00.001+02:00

compulsory English vocabulary.

"adj. speech or behavior that is over the top, unhinged, self-destructive, or a threat to others.

Condition may be temporary (e.g. "Dad went all batshit crazy on me when he saw the cell phone bill") or prolonged ("Adolph Hitler was a batshit crazy megalomaniac responsible for the deaths of millions in 20th-century Europe.") "

"someone who has absolutely nothing to lose. batshit crazy people are different from regular crazy people because of their attitude and activities. a regular crazy person would shoot at a plane with a pistol. a batshit crazy person will jump off of one plane with a knife in their hands, onto another, break the glass and kill the pilot ... and land safely. in order to be truly batshit crazy the person must do the most outrageous things every and still return safely.
crazy: throw a brick through your window

batshit crazy: throw a brick through your window, call the cops, wait for them to arrive, tell them what they did, and still get away."

HAH...

look here

Study skills competition

2009-10-25T12:23:00.003+02:00

Back from Hiiumaa. I had a really good time in the study skills national competition for the 6th graders. As it turned out, my questions were the toughest again. I have to start analyzing. I thought the green room, where i am making the exercises, would be the easiest this year. But as it turned out, i was wrong. But i hope the kids and the teachers got the idea, that they have to develop more versatile study skills, looking up information is not enough, you have also know how to interpret the information, which you found in forms of drawings, maps, graphs or in other forms too.

And the evening in the local Rannapaargu (the local bar that is), was phenomenal :):) We showed the local girls, how to have real fun... and how to let loose on the dance floor. HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ... and the best words from Lii: your the coolest chick ever, what a hell, your as fat as can be and you showed the local chicks really whats the dance floor actually for :) hahahahahahha... i don't remember the exact words.. but that was the point... hahaha ... cool

and plus a fruitful conversation with the professors of our team about study skills and about life itself...

In other words
I really enjoyed myself.

Plus i have some thinking to do, about a thing, that Lii brought out in the evening.. but maybe ill comment that some other time, when i have thought it out to myself.

I hope I'm on the right track of discovering myself.

theres a dance downstairs

2009-10-17T22:38:00.002+03:00

the ground is white and im a wuss... id like to dance... but im too timid... in other words- a wuss

:(

ITS SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-17T17:58:00.002+03:00

Autumn school of GEOLOGY....

2009-10-17T12:58:00.000+03:00

The lectures are interesting ... :)

im a fool

2009-10-17T12:55:00.002+03:00

You know... i could use a blow on the head with something solid agues... I'm just a fool, who doesn't fit in. and i realize that time and time again... and every time it comes as an unpleasant discovery for me ...

animalphysiology

2009-10-13T02:26:00.001+03:00

It will drive me nuts ... literally ... look at the time :o

2009-10-13T00:03:00.002+03:00

The Tale of How from Shy the Sun on Vimeo.

or here

wow

2009-10-12T18:42:00.000+03:00

it seams i cant do any work .... terrible...

?

2009-10-11T22:26:00.002+03:00

My brain has shortcirquited...

cant sleep

2009-10-11T01:53:00.000+03:00

Too many thoughts...

some pics...

2009-10-11T00:40:00.013+03:00

a promising dancer... (too bad for the poor quality)

guard to a hidden treasure?

a hiding pinecone

some kind of primeval monster ...

Injured :(
The wind was drawing in the next ones ... i have to figure out somehow, how to get these pics looking like, id like them to look... id like them to remind of graphic art figuring shadows and textures.. focusing on the drawings ... mh .. i dont know how to do it :(

2009-10-10T22:15:00.001+03:00

Where do i fit in? That's the question...

as promised ....

2009-10-07T00:20:00.004+03:00

so a few shots of aforementioned parachute :D

loughs and comments of me going crazy are welcome :)

Long time no see

2009-10-06T16:53:00.009+03:00

hmm... i haven't written here for quite a long time ... but here is a zusammenfassung of all that has happened since the last post.

Went to the Matsalu filmfestival. It was really great... too bad i was alone there though. The winning film was amazing!
Here's a link to a preview on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cs9AuvtfDM

Then there was the MooL hike on sunday :) Lots of new people attending. The weather was wonderful

Then lots of meetings... finishing a report...
Then Piknik!!!! That was fun!!!!
Kert played the piano

Then bellydance lessons :)
And gypsy dance lessons :) :) :)

I made a gypsy dance skirt for myself ... haha .. pics to come ... its as big as a parachute

Then Folkroreclub ... was really fun ... :)

And a whole day of looking for chitinozoans and scoleodonts :p :):)

ill write some more soon :)

Now to the theatre

2009-09-17T20:02:00.000+03:00

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1213851/Stunning-shots-thirsty-bats-swooping-lick-water-garden-pond.html

LAHEEE

weekend... Estonian Theriological Society meeting

2009-09-15T17:33:00.007+03:00

Oll giving a talk about our bat research in Tallinn... He did nice!!!!!!!!!

All the big noses together talking about important things ....

You can imagine how muddy i looked after that road :)

HAHA.... comparison ... im a bigfoot agues :p

It was a good meeting...
Interesting conversations during daytime and sauna with beverages during nighttime ... haha... NICE

Fringe Widget

2009-09-15T16:29:00.001+03:00

hungry

2009-09-10T11:34:00.003+03:00

I just don't get it... how come some students study and others don't know what studying actually is. I find the attitude of some students amazing. They come to the exam... and think probably i will get lucky with the questions and maybe the teacher will feel sorry for me and let me pass anyway. hmmm .... whats the point in that... sure it is possible in some subjects to pass with deductive thinking skills and logic. But at basic zoology deductive thinking doesn't help you, if you are missing the basic fact knowledge. If you don't know what is characteristic to which groups of animals... you don't know it... and if you haven't learned the Latin then obviously you cant know it...
Haha.. i give my best in trying to bring logic into learning, in trying to picture systems... to give as many pictures as possible... But if the students don't give effort, then it is not up to me.
I have to be strict enough to force them to study then.
And you know what? hahah... today, one student was happy again!Who had tried already a few times to pass without systematic learning. But this time, she had studied... it showed :) she was glowing when telling the answers... It was GREAT... And that's when I feel I have made a difference and all the work has been worth it!!!!!

I really like teaching... and I hope one day I'll be as good as I'd like to be.

One crazy nutty chick professor :p

Oh and it sais hungry above, because i havent eaten anything today ... yet
But now.. finally to lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hints of today

2009-09-10T01:20:00.004+03:00

world is going crazy...

2009-09-09T14:03:00.004+03:00

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17749-killer-birds-bite-off-bats-heads.html

..."Péter Estók of the Max-Planck-Institute for Ornithology, Germany, first saw a bat being captured by a tit in a Hungarian cave in 1996.

Ten years later, he and fellow bat ecologist Björn Siemers recorded 18 examples of pipistrelle bat predation by great tits, over the course of two winters in the same cave in the Bükk Mountains." ...

Story in estonian and a video
http://forte.delfi.ee/news/teadus/article.php?id=25575983
http://brightcove.newscientist.com/services/player/bcpid2227271001?bctid=37869012001

2009-09-09T10:40:00.001+03:00

maurus

2009-09-08T22:48:00.000+03:00

maurus on üle kõige!!!!!!! ja hakkan nüüd filmi vaatama

:p

Two friends

2009-09-06T21:33:00.004+03:00

I would really like to find somewhere the money to by a good macro lens for mayself....

2009-09-01T16:19:00.012+03:00

The sea about an hour ago. Windy, grey. But all the small details come alive in a weather like this.

Like a beautiful poppy right below me. Trying to survive. And in the poppy there was a small fly, who was desperately trying to find food and was left hiding between the pink petals from gasps of wind.

They were completely ignoring the storm.

frightening, but at the same time interesting and peaceful against the stormy sea.

Play with colors. And agues the autumn is really coming.

As if it was supposed to be there. I couldn't let the opportunity for this pic pass. I like to play sometimes with colors and textures, objects made by humans that are left in the nature...

Wow, the colors!

Delicate and beautiful detail, which you might miss, when passing by.

And of course i cant be without a picture of a spider. Which is almost impossible to do with wind like todays :) But spiders are just the most beautiful arthropods... i dont know what it is about them. And i wish i will get sometime a better lens to really capture the world of spiders :)

Have you ever stopped to look into the reeds. The way they move. Concentrate on the details. To see, that from time to time, they are almost like alive. That small birds are hiding there... whom you didn't see before. And if you stay long enough, then you notice the reeds becoming one big organism acting as whole yet filled with infinite number of details...

september

2009-09-01T13:02:00.013+03:00

So its finally September... it is almost the same as the beginning of a new year to the people who are teaching something :)

So during this new year i want to:

STUDY, study, study, bring myself equal with the masterlevel of earth science, so the thoughts of a doc could come real next year. And study paleontology extra hard... i want to get knowledge behind this very old interest of mine.

keep discipline in lectures :p and update zoology so it would be even better than last year :) that means a more strict me! Ensure that the students will learn more thoroughly!

Organize some extracurricular activities in TLU, to get more interesting things in the field of zoology for our students to do, to bring some life into them!

to establish a a worthy course of animal physiology, even if i don't get credit for it... it should be enough of a prize for me to see the student actually having to study during the course...

take any chance i can get to go dancing :) that involves any kind of dancing...

blow the dust off my camera, go to the forest and take pictures!!!!!!!!

get myself a little bit more in shape for next year...

do something meaningful with bats! That means get all the my boys to finish their bachelor, review the old and establish a new bat action plan for Estonia, continue my work in Laagri, maybe go look for the Barbastelle again, prepare new projects for next summer... in other words - plenty to do with bats!

and i hope i will end up being on a date

a new challenge

2009-08-31T13:39:00.002+03:00

Animal physiology... How am i going to survive? But for sure i'll give my best to ensure the students will get better knowledge of the subject, than the ones which have been before me...

Thanks Arthur's clipart

Procrastination is of evel and is my worst sin

2009-08-30T19:52:00.002+03:00

Nothing more to add really...

By the way, below is a nice coloring page for you, when you are sometimes in trouble with procrastination... Well, it's nice in other times too...

Thanks to arthur's clipart

dream

2009-08-30T08:33:00.002+03:00

Hey

I had the strangest dream. I had a baby. The father was there, when we came home, but we weren't together. I had a name, but i didn't name him yet. I wanted to name him Kaido Kõu.. Sounds pretty good :) But it was soooooo strange.. He was sooo incredibly beautiful. Haha and he talked already... i don't know how did that happen. And there were some kids in the yard, who draw pictures ... they also drew a picture of me and my friend.. and the baby, as we would of been together... My mom was there. And when Kõu was sleeping, we kept him closed in some box or was it a closed suitcase, but he was ok ... And the strangest thing about the dream was, that from time to time i think the kid was a fish or a whale... i didn't understand that really (a crazy dream, as i said)... So i remember putting a fish to swim... nono .. it had to be a whale.. i remember the blow hole. And i remember the sea. Swimming. An aquarium. ummmmm ... How did Kõu and the images of a whale fit together. I don't remember ... And me, i was really happy, but didn't know at all what to do. It all came kind of naturally though. And i was fine with the baby... I was peaceful and happy :)

hahahahhaahaa

What a strange dream.... Really freaky, but frighteningly real at some points...

Oh well, its a new day... a lot to do (not babies:)... )

alot to learn

2009-08-29T14:41:00.000+03:00

back from batting

2009-08-29T01:00:00.002+03:00

The zoo at nighttime is much more interesting than during daytime. Animals are curious about you... they come to you to find out, who you are.. if you are really really quiet. Specially the big cats and hyenas. The actual bathunt did not go very well. A few northern bats, but nothing more interesting really. I was hoping alot from the zoo territory in the beginning of the season. But it has been a dissappointment to be honest. There is a nice broad leaved forest patch in the zoo and i was hopin there mught be a few colonies of interesting batspecies in the cavities of older trees. But we have heard nothing more or less in the forest. Well besides northern bats, but you can hear them everywhere really.

I was hoping to go out still tonight. But i think i will not start bothering anyone this late... besides i have nobody to calll really... hmm ... what to do tomorrow?

Wow

2009-08-28T21:16:00.002+03:00

The dance show was awesome. It was different, interesting, fresh, brilliant. Hah. The synergy amongst the group was great. They anticipated each others moves, as if the were one organism. They used contact a lot and succeeded in it. They almost weren't dancing but instead being the music itself. They were all different, but still somehow the same. The movements were different, but together it formed a whole. the best part was the interpretation of a nightingale song. Wow... id like to see that again. I have never seen anything like that before. Nothing more but the nightingale... All in all it was awesome!!!!!! I recommend the show to everyone, who cares about modern dance... and to everyone else to get just an extraordinary experience of movement and music.

And of the new studies. I finally went today to the Institute of Geology. It seams i might get a new chance to begin again and to chase a dream. It will not be easy. The lectures will be hard, but i want to give my best. First up is geology... followed by paleontology and mineralogy... WOW... i cant wait... mmmmmmmmm... finally i get to work with fossils... what ever it will take... and if it will lead up to a PhD position, even better... I have a feeling, this will bring all the positive change i need ...

HAH

Today a danceshow

2009-08-27T15:57:00.004+03:00

I am already looking forward to the dance show in the Russian theater tonight. It has to be great!!!

"Accords" by ZOO\Thomas Hauert

And tomorrow I'll go to TTU to meet with the people of Institute of Geology. I am seriously considering of taking some subjects there, in order to get more knowledge of geology and specially paleontology. yeei!

And tomorrow we'll do the bat survey in the zoo territory. I hope the weather will be better. And we hope to find more bats :)

today

2009-08-26T00:15:00.014+03:00

My day in pictures

2009-08-24T23:25:00.019+03:00

I finally got to work and started cleaning up. All the stuff from the field practices is piled up and there is loads of it. So a lot of work to do, before the start of the semester.

lab is a mess right now

my pets, who are doing their job excellently.

waiting for the students...

Back home from work, i decided to go for a ride at the seaside. And i ended up having a picnic at the windy end of Paljassaare. It was a very nice evening. Windy but rather warm. Luckily i had also company. I was joined by a family of mute swans. They didn't care much of me. So we just were watching the sunset together.

the family

one wanted to stand out

going to the sun

bathing time

trying to catch the mood

and the wind

I'm mesmerized by the water sometimes

it holds the secrets

of something powerful

one typical picture is a must for a girl like me :p

The end

sound of the ocean by the U-theatre

2009-08-23T23:13:00.003+03:00

WOW ... Really .. wow...

The pounding of the drums, perfect harmony of different instruments, perfect timing ... meditation... movement... all of it together. It is an experience worth having. Plus the venue of the concert, ruins of the Pirita monastery, they added to the efect. When i closed my eyes, everything vanished.. only the music remained...
Im glad i went there. I needed this now.... i wish it would of lasted longer ..
The way the big gongs go through you, its mystical, a little bit scary but wonderful... I had chills and goosepops :)

If you have the chance, go and see their performance.

http://www.utheatre.org.tw/eng/engopen.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2JFwriYV1g&feature=related

deeds

2009-08-23T16:36:00.003+03:00

Finished with my moms wallpaper for now.. one room done. Looks pretty nice.

Wrote to my boss, to ask if i could get one more lecture for myself. Animal physiology, i know it is hard and that i am struggling to reach the level in order to teach. But im sure i could make the lecture better than it is now, so that the students would have better knowledge of general animal physiology than what they currently get.

i wrote to find out when danceclub is going to start and to the local folkloreclub and also to some dancelessons to see, if it would be possible for me to participate. I am terrified of going alone.. im terrified of not knowing how to dance well, of the others ideas over me, of nobody wanting to dance with me... But lets face it- I love to dance and i want to dance... even if i look like i do and even if nobody want to dance with me ... i still love to dance...

And i will call tomorrow to the Institute of Geology and talk with Olle to make an appointment. I want to look into the field of paleontology, if it will offer me more joy than what im currently doing. I have the feeling, that i want to learn more of paleontology. Maybe i will achieve even a position there... well at first just to help somebody out to do the dirty work or whatever... i just want to be there ... It will not be easy. But i know, that i need to do this, if i want any change in my life.

The earliest fossil bat (Icaronycteris)

ME

2009-08-23T13:06:00.000+03:00

i have to take control somehow... we will see...

Words from a friend

2009-08-23T00:27:00.002+03:00

To live your life so that it only seems for other to be ok, is not good for yourself.
Think through your thoughts and feelings and don't rely on others.
How long do you wait for somebody else to be always there to rescue you, when you are in trouble. It might not last forever.
Are you sure, you want to wait until everybody is tired from pulling you out, because they will not do it endlessly. Are you sure that is something worth waiting for.
If you do not love yourself and enjoy just being there, it is hard also for others to feel joy over you.
If you want somebody to love you, then you have to start loving yourself first.
It is not worth chasing things, which are no longer there or things, which will probably never happen.
If you are making the same mistake over and over again, then use your logic to figure out, what needs to be done differently.
Dont think things too complicated for yourself.
Being alone gives the oportunity to be free, to work with yourself and to think your own thoughts.
You have to practice to master it.
It is easy to let others decide over you and to let others deal with the problems you are having, to actually make a difference and to change thing for better, you have to act yourself and to work with yourself.
Anyone can do this.
To look yourself from the inside is propably quite scary.
humans are usually quite grose inside, egocentric maniacs.
But you have to jump into the hole, in order to clean its walls.
You can think about it for the rest of your life, which will come ropably sooner than you think in that case, or you can start doing something about it.
The longer you wait, the more tangled you will become and the greater the possibility is that you will parish under the big pile of stress one day.
Start doing something today.

My friends words are true. I love You

black.. pitch black

2009-08-22T19:53:00.001+03:00

life

cool

2009-08-21T23:19:00.000+03:00

I just might end up in forum again today!!!!!!!! That means dancing until the morning sun greets us :)

NEWS

2009-08-21T13:15:00.001+03:00

I am not human. It was decided that i am a greater blond estonian bat (Nyctalus lasiopterus estonicus) instead.... a new species for Earth :)

night

2009-08-21T01:36:00.001+03:00

can't sleep... too many thoughts...

FORUM

2009-08-20T12:45:00.002+03:00

A small metal bunker, which has a small bar in it in Pelgulinna. HAH ... i really like that place. Mainly russianspeaking folks, but lately i have noticed, that Estonian language is slowly overpowering the Russian. My friend took me there almost a year ago. First it is a bit of a culture shock. Hah he has seen one person getting killed there and occasionally also fights, so you really have to take care of what you are actually speaking of and to whom. But still the atmosphere is worth visiting the Forum. Everybody is equal there and welcome to join the small dance floor - old and young, more drunk and less drunk, fat and thin ... it doesn't matter, what matters is that everybody is having fun and letting go. And the communication amongst people there is overall different somehow. I don't know if it is the slight Slavic blood from my grandmothers side, which is effecting me, but i feel nice there.. my Russian is pretty poor though, but they appreciate it, if you speak even a little. And besides most of the Russians are trying to talk Estonian back to you. There are exceptions oof course, women mainly, who will not let go of their point of view and stubbornly keep telling... speak in Russian... no estonian ... And the talking themes tend to go over and over again to aljoša and the new cross of liberty on Vabaduse väljak. Actually aljoša is not mentioned that much anymore. People are now pissed off at the government who "wasted" that much money in MASU times to build a glass cross. They have a point there, but they don't understand the need of that statue and the square to Estonians. And it is very hard to explain without getting too much into a conflict.

But kaerajaan, can-can and a spagaat at 3AM in Forum is worth it and is so COOL. And the DJ .. oh my is he fantastic - a man of about 40 with big black mustache, who comes about 1 AM in weekends, sings a quarter of the songs himself... not bad by the way... and occasionally also puts estonian Nuude style songs on... and waltzing in Forum .. hahaha.... there's a thing to dare...

Its fantastic!!!!!!!

I wouldn't dare to go there alone, so thank YOU for coming with me.

some pics from today

2009-08-19T20:04:00.004+03:00

I like this road

My new bike!!!!!!!!!!!!

WC and books

2009-08-19T14:46:00.003+03:00

Well... what a pity :( Our decathlete Pahapill got a big round 0 in longjump... I'm sad, since he was quite a big hope for us. But he still has a bright future, for sure.

About books...
I'd really like to do the Camino di Santiago for once in my life... Browsing through Coelho's book over and over again... and the need rises more and more in me to go there one day and to feel the experience in order to find the real me...

Speaking of finding the real me. I just started reading a new textbook: Introduction to Paleobiology and the Fossil Record. WOW... I just feel, i have maybe done a little bit wrong choice in my life. I am really enthusiastic about fossils. I have been for my whole life. I remember being just a small kid, when i was able to concentrate in looking for fossils for hours and hours.... it was just soooo much fun for me. And i feel that maybe it is time for me now to finally shift my focus in a field i have been always that enthusiastic about. Besides the background of biology is only good :) We will see.

But now im off to try out my new bike.. and maybe to take some pictures. I hope to find again also the joy of photography again... it would be nice.

Maybe later i will add some pictures then :)

projects

2009-08-18T21:56:00.002+03:00

I definitely do not like writing projects. Bats along water bodies in Tallinn, how many, when, which species, which methods, calculations, fancy words for justification... uh ... filling in the papers is not for me. I like the fieldwork. And I'd rather do origami with all the papers :)

But i love it that the students I'm working together are enthusiastic. Its fantastic... and i love to see, i have actually done something and i have actually established some new interests and enthusiasm in students. That feeling is wonderful.

but papers... i don't like them.

2009-08-18T17:39:00.001+03:00

NHTMTÜ :)

morning

2009-08-18T12:11:00.002+03:00

Gerd got it on the first try. Really nice. I hope he can beat all of them in the final.

I feel kind of nice today. More peaceful, than usually, which is really really cool. mmm... i ow some of that to one conversation yesterday. At one point i was laughing my heart out, eyes in tears... i hope i didn't wake the neighborhood up in the middle of the night to a hysterical giggle. :) But thank you, really thank you very much... hah .... i hope it will be better from now on.

and there is one more person in Estonia, who really likes Hair. It would be nice to get to know her. But that is kind of complicated.

i hope all my positive thoughts will not go away now, when i enter the mess in my kitchen and realize i have only half an hour to establish some order. Superwoman comiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing

hah..

new ride

2009-08-17T21:18:00.002+03:00

So i have a new bike. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUh cool :). I still stared at all the rougher bikes, but my friend suggested to buy this one. (by the way.... thank you soooo much Kert... really. You are awesome) Agues it makes sense though. Most of the time i am on better roads. BUT I SOOOO LIKE TO RAM IN TO THE MUDDY ROADS WHICH ARE IN A BAD CONDITION AND TO GIVE MY BIKE A CHALLENGE. Eh i will not be doing that with this one. But still. i am happy. Now all that lies ahead is to start going out more often to finally get myself into shape.
I will be adding pics later.

How can i make myself to feel happy... alone, but happy? i have to find a way.

Tomorrow Rauno and Oll are coming over. We have to put together some plans.

now i have to force myself calm (i am like a stormy sea inside, all feeling mixed inside... ) and wait for the 100 final for women.

HAHAAAA.. i have a blog now...

2009-08-17T14:13:00.006+03:00

Well the truth is, that i have no idea, what to write here, but time will tell i hope.

It's a strange day today. I still can't manage to work properly since my mind is allover the place. All over in other places, but not in the reports i have to write. Why is this day any stranger than yesterday? Because for the first time in quite a long time, i feel i have to take control somehow and change things. Not to let myself get hurt over and over again.

You are a mighty king of contradiction, when it comes to me.

But now, I'm off to buy a new bicycle for myself. The old one got stolen day before yesterday. Agues the guy who took it hopefully needed it then. Bah. I can't survive without a bike.

I'm off.... see you later